DIFFERENT STROKES, WITH REV. CANON CHINEMEREM UCHE
WHAT TYPE OF MOTHER ARE
YOU?
 |
| Rev. Canon Chinemerem Uche |
The mothering Sunday is
here and it will be good if we reflect on the kind of mothers we have. This classification might enable us to take
corrections where we need to.
“Churchious” Mother:
She is always in the church and prefers church activities above her husband and
children. She can preach very well and
belongs to almost all the groups in the church and yet her children are symbols
of rascality and immorality.
Talkative Mother: The only time she is not talking is when
large ball of food is in her mouth or when she is sleeping. Her nick name is “uka tuo aja.” –abundance of
talk like sand. This kind of mother is a
one woman riot squad when it comes to quarrelling. She has the history of everybody in her
“yard” and will use it as her weapon of offense whenever there is a quarrel.
She does not need to be invited in any discussion as far as she hears what is
being discussed; she must join in the talk-talk.
Masculine Mother: She is domineering and bangs her fist on the
table while arguing with the husband.
She makes autocratic statements and nobody dares to oppose her because
she will be ready to fight to finish.
Gossip Mother: She has
gossip as her second and most important name!
She knows what is happening in every woman’s marriage and bedroom. She can fabricate stories that are hard to
refute and disbelieve. She delights so
much in gossiping about pastors and celebrities.
Mirror-Mirror Mother:
She is always on the mirror, admiring her beauty. She colonizes every mirror in the house
including her husband’s rear view and side view mirrors. The only thing that startles her out of the
mirror is the hooting of her husband’s car horn urging her to be quick so that
they do not arrive late for a function.
Fashion crazy Mother:
This woman reads magazine a lot, or rather watches magazine to check for the
latest fashion worn by celebrities and wealthy women. She tries more than ten clothes before making
a final selection of the one to wear for an occasion. In the process of making a choice, she takes
her bath several times after sweating it out in the wardrobe. She spends a greater part of her earnings
including feeding money on fashion.
Nagging Mother: She can nag from morning to evening and can
continue to the following day over an issue that has long been settled. Her wall is full of graffiti showing dates
and time a particular wrong was done to her.
Her husband returns home when he is sure she has gone to bed to avoid
her constant nagging.
Debtor Mother: This
kind of mother loves borrowing because she lives above her income. She wants to meet up with the high class
ladies and will do anything to meet up. In the church, she makes pledges she
cannot fulfil -just to belong to the high class. She wants her children to dress and feed like
the president’s children. She lives in a
cycle of borrowing to pay debtors and living big. The unfortunate thing about her is that
people know her class and level of income even though she thinks she is a high
class lady.
Money Mother: The only time there is peace between her and
her husband is when there is money. As
far as there is no money to spend and throw around, the house becomes a war zone.
“Gbazaquine”
Mother: You cannot look for this woman
in the crowd because she is everywhere.
In the church she must give a testimony, sing a special number and shout
the loudest hallelujah. She will dance and sing loudest in the church or social
function for everybody to notice her.
Food Mother: This woman
can eat! Her hobby is eating and she does not care. She hates to be told to control her eating
habit and will pick quarrel with anyone that tries to enforce it. She cooks her food with a lot of “tozo”
“fokpu-fokpu,” “afo anu,” and “kanda.”
The unfortunate thing however is that by the time she is done with her
cooking, all these mentioned ingredients would have vanished from the pot.
Drug abuse Mother: This type of mother likes taking drugs
especially anything that is called herbal remedy. Whenever she falls sick and visits the
orthodox doctor, she does not keep to the discipline of taking the drugs as
prescribed.
Temper tantrum
Mother: She is quick tempered and will
throw anything within her reach at you when she gets angry. She can say anything to her children when she
gets angry with them including “God punish your mother.”
Business tycoon
Mother: This type of mother is a
business mogul. She goes to market by
5am and returns by 9pm. The unfortunate
thing about her is that she spends a greater time after the day’s business,
counting her money and leaves all the work to her house girl including her
conjugal duties.
Suffer Woman: This
mother works hard. Some of them are
those who go to the “bush market” to buy food stuff for sale. She pays the house rent, school fees and
medical bill for the entire family.
Sadly, her husband is a drunkard or a lazy drone. Her children too are careless and live big at
the expense of their mother.
Dirty Mother: She hardly washes her garments. Her parlour and room is unkempt and her
children are perpetual host to ring worm and eczema.
Virtuous Mother: She is
godly, born again and faithful to her husband and treats him as her king. Her
husband is always falling in love with her and devotes time to her. She in turn, devotes time to care for the
family. She refused to start work early
so as to train the kids well. Helps the
kids to do their homework and monitors their performance in school. She is
industrious and a model of motherhood.
Political juggernaut
Mother: She is an accomplished astute politician. She is a powerful gladiator gathering
chieftaincy titles and awards wherever she extends her political
tentacles. Her husband and children
hardly see her. In fact she is a virtual
or online mother.
“Ogogoro” Mother: This mother is a champion at drinking
alcohol. She is a true manifestation of
the proverbial drunkard that drank the wine and ate the cup. –What some folks
call, “anu chaa e fechaa cup, ata npi nmii.”
Fish brain mother:
Because she travels a lot she decided to bring in a full time, full blooded
lady as a house girl into the home. See the kind of text message she sends to
the husband about her sudden need to travel: “Honey, praise God I have been
nominated to deliver a lecture at the Alabama University. Adaobi the house girl
has been instructed about your menu. As
no nonsense Christian husband, I know as usual you will not allow her to dress
improperly especially when visitors are around and I have warned her too. I will be back in three days. Bye dear…”
Correspondence
mother: She travels a lot and stays long
on her journey. She is very much in love
with her job. She is so eager about career
advancement and would not mind running the home through correspondence. See the kind of note she drops for the family
whenever she has to travel: “Ngozi, as the first daughter of the house take
care of your Daddy and siblings. I will
be away for a month. Your Daddy’s food
has been packed in the green buckets and preserved in the freezer and it is
expected it will last for 4 weeks.
Meanwhile, I have transferred the sum of Ten Thousand Naira into your
account for your feeding. You can combine whatever you buy with the noodles and
macaroni in the store.”
What type of mother are
you? You can also list your type if is not listed here.
Editor’s Note: The views and opinions of our guest columnists do not in any way reflect or represent the views, standpoint or editorials policy of Nigerian Hotline Newspaper.
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